████. I’ve really █████ed this up. I have, like, horrible writers block. I’m just hoping that if I go on at the top of my lungs here, something’s gonna come to me.

Well, I spent my afternoon through evening baking cookies, if you want to know why this was so inactive today. I mean ████, I only got like, six views, and something is telling me that’s because I’m not writing about any big ticket items.

Well ████ me silly, okay? When I got out of Scott Pilgrim, I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I didn’t wanna review the movie cos it’ll inevitably come out to a THREE STARS with the promise that I’ll never see it again and the recommendation of several other movies you should see first! You know? That was my impression. Decent movie, but there are so many better movies within easy access that I have to recommend you see others first, and I think that’s a fair impression, but now, I mean now, I’m really ████ing █████ed into a corner, aren’t I?

I mean, I saw some movies today. I saw about one and a quarter movies. and I’d love to review them, but ████ me, I take 5-6 hours at a time doing that. I write, I edit, I take the time to check I’m saying what I mean to say, and that’s another thing I don’t get. Why the ████ does everybody come off on me like HOW DARE YOU NOT LIKE A POPULAR FILM, WHY INDEED IT’S MADE FOR OUR TIME AND OUR GENERATION!! You know what? I’ve come across a number of films that I feel very strongly about. And when someone tells me they didn’t like it, I tend to get all up in their grill, but I always try to do it with the filmmaker’s intentions and what was presented on screen in the final version. You know?

I take the Roger Ebert approach to film arguments. Anyway, off topic.

Is there a topic?

████ it.

“When all else fails… ████ it.” -John ████ing Lennon (████ing was indeed his middle name)

But let me tell you, it █████ █████ being on the dissenting opinion of something. Everybody I meet says they love the ████ out of some thing I thought was entirely mediocre and all I get, every ███ damn day is arguments I’ve made before and ████ I’ve thought of. █████, I watched the ████ movie. I sat through the same damn 112 minutes you ███ damn did, so don’t go telling me what I missed–especially if it’s the title ████ing character. I watched a movie, my interpretation differed from yours, ████ a ████ and rob a small Indonesian village. If we’re both allowed to like a movie, I’m allowed to not like a separate one.

And you know what really pisses me off? I wanted to like Scott Pilgrim, I really did. The books are some of my favourites ever. The author totally punked me when I met him in person, though, so I’m not too sure on how I feel about his ███–but dammit, the books are great. They show that stage between manning up and becoming a person who fights for yourself and the ones you love and realizing that fighting isn’t the only option and that understanding can save your ███ in a tight pinch far more often than love. Great ████ing lesson; one that should be taught in schools. I never caught on to how “great” the art was or anything–it was fantastic at serving the story, I can say that with ████ing certainty–but all in all, I’d count it up as one of the best comics I’ve read. Then again, I put Kick-Ass on that list and eagerly await Kick-Ass: Balls to the Wall, so take my opinion with a healthy dose of salt.

And that’s another ████ing thing. This is my opinion. You wanna know how you can tell someone’s opinion on anything is their opinion? They’re the ones ████ing saying it and the words are coming out of their ███damn mouth. Christ on a crutch, is it really so ███damn hard to take what someone else says about your new favourite movie as just their opinion these days? Are we all so eager to get butthurt that we ignore common ████ing sense and insist on “taking to town” anybody who disagrees with us over a movie? How are you supposed to be able to talk about anything with anybody if everybody insists on praising every ████ing thing to the high damn heavens just because it tried?

A lot of things ████ing try to be something, ███ damn it all, and not many ████ing succeed. You may have noticed my views dropping rapidly as people realize that I’m not the world’s biggest fan of Edgar Wright’s interpretation of Scott Pilgrim–you know, the interpretation that originally ended with Scott back together with Knives at the end during the scriptwriting phase. Granted, that took seven years, so a lot of wacky ████ might’ve been going on–the filming of Hot Fuzz for instance, during which I like to believe that Edgar, Simon and Nick had parties every night where everyone wore fancy dress top halves and swimsuits on bottom, and they were forced to eat hor d’euvres in a wading pool for six hours as their legs turned to prunes.

Where was I? Oh yes.

The point remains, this isn’t a review of Scott Pilgrim. Five Movies You Should See Instead of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World isn’t a review of Scott Pilgrim. I’m never going to release a review of Scott ████ing Pilgrim cos ███damnit, my thoughts by now should be pretty ████ing clear. THREE STARS, Cera plays himself in wacky outfits and I was never sold on the relationship between him and Ramona–perhaps because the movie had too great a time setting up the ending where Knives wins while Edgar was drying his shorts hungover. The positives are background characters who’ve sadly been reduced to caricatures in the transfer from page to screen and the unique and highly kinetic visual style of Edgar Wright adapting the universe.

I have more thoughts on this movie–such as “Did Edgar Wright sacrifice his own style which he has showcased time and again in Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz to make this movie, thus losing some of his idiosyncrasies to the process of adaptation?” or “Why couldn’t they have at least held auditions for an unknown actor who could actually play the character of Scott Pilgrim outside of the last two scenes?”–but you know what my main thought about this movie is?

Why do we all give a ████ing ████?

It exists, it’s on film. If I meet someone five years down the road who owns and treasures a Blu-Ray of it, I’ll be ████ing surprised. Everyone else I’ve spoken to about the film has agreed: THREE STARS. Not the worst we could have seen, but none too ████ing special either. So how come I’m the ████ing pariah for daring to say I was disappointed in “none too special”?

████ it.

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