Chad Grover says: That’s the ugliest box art I’ve seen in a long time, The Social Network.
Joe Criger says: What is it?
Chad Grover says: Saw it on TV, let me look
Joe Criger says: …
I have seen me some ugly box art.
Chad Grover says: Hahaha
Joe Criger says: I have seen me some misrepresentative box art.
I have seen me some ████in’ poorly designed, ill-conceived, misinformed and maliciously intentioned box art.
But I ain’t NEVER seen box art that was ALL OF THAT, AT ONCE
This has expanded my mental horizons.
I am at once exhilarated and afraid for the future.
There can’t be anything worse than this
What if there is?
I have NEVER seen a disparity THIS LARGE between the quality of a movie (as in, number of nominations for best picture) vs. quality of box art.
This has defeated all sense of standards or quality or design.
This is so bad, I might need to drink.
I’m just staring at it.
Staring at the Zuckerberg character’s stupid ████ing grin.
Staring at all these stupid extras.
Staring at all these misplaced hype quotes.
Staring at this stupid ████ing grey space around the screenshot.
Staring at that constipated extra, furthest left.
Staring at those two idiots about to hug.
And I hate what I’m staring at.
It has alienated me from any chance of buying this movie on Blu-Ray or DVD for fear that this box art would be in my house.
Or that someone would see it, on a shelf, and associate me with the kind of person that would own a Blu-Ray that looks this ████ty.
And this is the two disc special edition.
This is the big fandom edition, that people are going to have to buy.
And people are gonna have to talk about how this movie that is in this box is actually a modern American epic about greed, friendship, money, power and how all of those things can be destroyed in the blink of an eye.
I just don’t get it, Chad.
Why would somebody do this.
Why would anyone think this was a good idea.
Who approved this?
Who looked at this and said
This represents exactly what The Social Network is about.
This showcases the corruption that comes alongside power, wealth and fame.
This displays the true heart at the center of it all.
This shows how deep down, the Zuckerberg character is our closest to a Kane figure we can find.
I gotta ask
What was wrong with the original poster?
What was wrong with Zuckerberg, looking off and to the left, like a fascist propaganda poster?
I thought that was a really good piece of modern design.
Or maybe I just think it’s a really good piece of modern design, now that I have to compare it to this.
This is utter garbage.
I’m just flabbergasted as to how anyone could see anything of any value in any part of this.
Chad Grover says: Hahahaha
I leave and come back
Joe Criger says: I just
What the ████ is this ████, Chad?!
I’m struggling not to repeat myself here, but really
Who approved this?
Who said this was the best they could come up with?
What, was this their first draft?
Did they have many ideas and this was the one that was best?
If this was their best, why didn’t they just throw it all out and get another designer?
And where are Eduardo and Sean Parker?
Eduardo is in the room when that scene occurs.
And the guy back there, hugging that chick, is drunk off his ass in a coding competition.
Who the ████ is that guy?
Why does he matter?
He doesn’t even show up in the rest of the film.
Why isn’t there something to do with Eduardo?
I can think of a better series of collector’s edition box art mockups right now.
The original poster, but this time with every character who’s important.
One for Mark, one for Eduardo, one for Sean, one for Erica.
And change the taglines to match each of them.
Bam, there’s some damn good collector’s edition box art right there.
I know people who would buy all four just to collect the tin cases.
It’d at least have more singularity and dignity than this ████.
What the ████ is this–
What am I looking at?
Why am I looking at it?
Why is this important?
And if it’s so important, why doesn’t it even fill the god damn cover?
And why does it look like it needs a once-over with a moist cloth?
I get that Fincher likes texture and unique colour palettes, but seriously
This just looks dusty.
I know people who are going to be wiping this down every week, thinking that it’s dirty.
Somebody just put a dust grey filter on as the last step in Photoshop, making all of this look sorta hazy and worthless.
And why is Aaron Sorkin’s name on the case?
For that matter, why is David Fincher’s?
I get that these guys want to do something non-standard with their visual aesthetic in promoting this movie.
I understood that at the poster
You know what would be nonstandard?
Not having the director’s name on it.
Or the screenwriter’s name.
Just have the image of Zuckerberg looking like Charles Foster Kane or Che Guevara from the poster on it.
“You don’t make 500 000 000 friends without making some enemies.”
Instead we get this crap.
This is awful.
This is beyond awful.
This is beyawful.
This is possibly the worst DVD case I’ve ever seen
and I’ve seen the case for All About Steve.
This is absolutely terrible, from the top to the bottom.
Just entirely uninspiring from the back layer to the front.
Why does this exist?
This might be worse than that DS game whose boxart was a mockup of its own boxart.
And who chose these quotes?
And who kerned this text?
And who thought that any of this was a good idea?
And why doesn’t the image fill the entire box?
Who made this?
Whose hand worked on this and called it good?
Whoever they are, they should be fired, tarred, feathered and blacklisted from ever working in this industry again.
This is the Criterion Edition cover, not the regular cover.
This is the inside boxart, not the actual thing you pick up on shelves.
There’s no way that I will ever believe that this is meant to be official until I am holding this piece of crap in my hands, utterly speechless as to why it exists.
It’s just so bush league
So basic Photoshop
You can call it minimalist if you like, but there’s a difference between amateur and minimalist.
The official poster for this movie was the latter.
This travesty is the former.
Chad Grover says: Haha
Joe Criger says: And why the ████ is Zuckerberg grinning like that?
Chad Grover says: I’m reading all this
Joe Criger says: What the ████ does he have to be happy about?
Chad Grover says: ████-eating grin
Joe Criger says: What is he holding?
Why does it matter?
Why does any of this matter?
Why does any of this scene matter in the greater context of the film?
The graphic designer’s primary contribution to this box was to watch the movie, look for the single frame that would represent the Zuckerberg character not as he is but as how the designer wishes him to be seen, and run with that.
It just screams arty pretentious cinema-class bull████ and that is so not what this movie is.
In any way.
Yes, it’s a tense character drama, built on talking, but it’s engaging talking, funny talking, tragic talking and fast paced talking.
This says “At the end of the movie, at least Zuckerberg will be happy.”
That’s not true.
Nothing could be farther from the truth.
This is not the end of the movie.
This is seconds after he’s manipulated his best friend into a business venture he doesn’t want to be in.
This is him at likely his least sympathetic when seen in context.
But out of context, it’s just jarring.
Why would I want to watch a movie where a 26 year old billionaire is happy?
Nobody wants to see that movie.
You want to see the one where riches don’t get him want he wants because that‘s the movie you can relate to.
That’s not this box art.
This box art is the very essence of mediocrity.
It says to me “Don’t worry about giving this movie a three star on initial release, Joe–people will soon think that’s deserved.”
It looks like everything this movie isn’t in so many ways.
And what of the Winklevii?
They’d get a case in my character case scheme.
They’d get two.
Exact same face–different tagline.
Maybe a different hairstyle and tie.
Replace the taglines with their notable lines from the movie.
They all have notable lines.
They all have ones that would look great on the cover of this movie and represent it as what it is.
Off the top of my head, there’s Erica’s “You’ll go through life thinking girls don’t like you because you’re a nerd. And I want to tell you that’s not true. Girls won’t like you because you’re an asshole.”
At least one Winklevoss would get “I’m 6’5″, 220 and there’s two of me.”
Eduardo could get any number of lines
Like “What do you mean, ‘get left behind’?”
Seven words, but more powerful than, say, “Revolutionary. Absolutely emblematic of its time and place.”
What the ████ does that ████ even mean?
That’s just critic jargon for “It’s a movie about rich 20somethings, and I’m an old white guy.”
Sean Parker’s quote would be obvious
“You know what’s cool? A billion dollars.”
Again, seven words
But sums up this entire film in those seven words.
Mark’s would have to be my personal favourite “Have I adequately answered your condescending question?”
None of that profound Zuckerberg character attitude is on display here.
It’s all in the poster.
Which they could have reformatted for DVD box ratio.
This is Facebook: the Comedy.
The movie is Facebook: the Tragedy.
That is how widely these guys missed the mark on this box art.
I am now considering using this entire rant and a picture of this box art as a blog post.
I think I should do it.
I’m gonna ████ing do it.
Cos ████ this terrible-ass ████.
This box art is awful.
Copied and pasted into WordPress.
████ this box art.
I seriously need a drink.
If I publish this, it will be my second longest post ever.
Chad Grover says: Hm?
Joe Criger says: No, I’m not kidding
It’s 1800 words.
Chad Grover says: Doo it
Joe Criger says: Oh, I will
I’m just getting some more words to put at the bottom now.
Go for longest.
Go for 2000 words.
Chad Grover says: Yeah
Be sure to link to the box art
or post it
Joe Criger says: I think this piece of crap boxart demands 2000 words.
I’m EMBEDDING that ████.
Chad Grover says: Works
Joe Criger says: I am putting it right the ████ in there.
And I am ████ing letting EVERYBODY see how absolutely bush league, amateur hour and mediocre it is.
I hope I get ████ing traffic for this.
I’m posting this to IMDb.