The first thing you need to do right now is click on the picture up there on top. It’s the cover to Jack Parow’s first album, and it used to link to a torrent of the same. Now it will take you to his official site. And if you don’t download this delicious zef masterpiece right now, you are the only person you are hurting. I know I talk a lot about Die Antwoord, and I mentioned in my foreign music piece that I like them because they’re so South African as to be removed from anything I find familiar. However, Die Antwoord have long sections of their songs in english, which is exactly the opposite of what I want. Hence, I listen to the Afrikaans version of $0$, right? Well, then their friend and fellow MC Jack Parow released his debut album, Jack Parow. I maintain that its title is Jack Parow rather than being self-titled because this is the kind of guy to say his name in a rap about genocide. (Not literally.) (I think.)
However, this album contains some of my favourite songs I’ve heard yet this year. It opens with this sweet, slow, tender guitar intro that gets ditched after about 30 seconds in favour of a bigass crunk beat and Parow’s own flow. That’s something I really like about Jack Parow–his voice. Ninja has a nasal thing going on for his own stuff, Yolandi’s voice changes by song (so it’s really hard to pin down), but Jack has this really awesome, cocksure rap style that meshes not at all with the fact that he’s a pudgy Mario lookalike with a moustache to beat Tom Selleck’s just makes it more awesome. I mean, whenever I heard him spit a sick verse on a Die Antwoord song (pretty much every time he guested), I pictured this at least very handsome dude who could pull up on any chick and get laid without saying a thing. I’m not saying he’s ugly, I’m saying he gets tail based on his raps more than his looks. And that’s totally what I’m about with music: good. music. And his music so far surpasses his looks–okay, this hole is deep enough, just DOWNLOAD THE ALBUM, LISTEN TO IT AND DEMAND HE TOUR NORTH AMERICA WITH DIE ANTWOORD ALREADY.
The two tracks you should at least be downloading this for are “Dans Dans Dans”–a riotous and ridiculous club anthem if I heard one–and “I Miss”–a shockingly tender and touching song from a guy I can barely understand. I can understand nostalgia for a lost age, but if Jack Parow ever heard me phrase one of his songs as “nostalgia for a lost age”, he’d likely punch me in the dick and sleep with my girlfriend. In a threesome with Diplo.
The second thing I’ve been wondering about today is how little it will take me to drop a game. I’m wondering about this and trying to remember various games I’ve given up on in my life. I know that I’ve “temporarily” dropped quite a few Wii titles after I bought them. Zelda: Twilight Princess? Dropped. You know why? I got killed by a shopkeeper. I went to purchase some items, but couldn’t figure out the purchasing mechanic. I spoke to the shopkeeping dot of light, and it said “hi!” There were no question options. So I tried again, and it said “HI!” So I tried again, and it said “HI!” So I picked something up, asked again, same answer. I left the store. I’m standing on the other side of the fence when he starts yelling at me. So I walk back into the store–which is a hollowed out side of a rock wall with a fence around it–to pay and he starts attacking me. And when I couldn’t fight and when he killed me, I told that game to perform several impossible moves on itself.
When I was playing Miles Edgeworth: Ace Attorney, I got to near the ending. I started to cross-examine the final villain. But then he said he couldn’t be cross-examined. And I contradicted that. And he contradicted me. And this went on, and on, and on, and on, and on until I said to Chad, “Chad, what the hell is happening in this game? Where’s the ending?” And he said “Two chapters away.” Two chapters of talking to this one guy. Of replaying the entire game over again. Of reviewing the entire plot from beginning to end. I was one less walkthrough in the world away from putting that game down for good and waiting for an actual Ace Attorney followup starring Apollo Justice. I’m sorry, I like Apollo Justice, and if he had got his own game instead of having Phoenix Wright come in and crap on everything, it would’ve been awesome.
I have No More Heroes on the “temporary drop” pile, but let’s face it–I’m fighting one of the hardest bosses with an underpowered sword and I can’t make charged attacks work. I’m screwed. I can’t buy a better sword until I beat this boss and I can’t beat this boss until I buy a better sword. I’d say it’s a paradox, but honestly, it’s more an “I don’t care anymore, No More Heroes, you win. Take it all. You’re tougher than I am, and you can have my lunch money.” I only bring all of this up because right now, I’m at what could be a dropping juncture for Pokémon White. I know–I got it yesterday, how could I possibly drop it today? Easy arithmetic. Five hours progress, minus two and a half hours due to lack of autosaves and lack of saving compulsion, equals I don’t need this crap.
I don’t want to have to play through everything I just played through all over again just to get my ass handed to me again because I’m trying to level pokémon past level 12 when all I have to fight are–maximum–level 7. There are no trainers to raise my pokémon against. There are no wild pokémon on my level. So what the hell do you want me to do? You say you’re giving me a challenge, or something to work up to. I say, you obviously couldn’t be bothered to make wild pokémon actually level alongside the player. Which would be nice. I probably won’t drop it, but I say that after not touching it since six pm, when I’d had it in hand for the past 24 hours, even if I wasn’t playing. How about: close the lid, save the game? Good mechanic? I think so. It’d at least give me level 9-10 mons instead of 5-8. Damn you, Pokémon White.