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An article on Gizmodo.

August 29, 2011 2 comments

Alyssa Bereznak wrote an article on Gizmodo. It is entitled My Brief OkCupid Affair with a World Champion Magic: the Gathering Player. By way of a brief summary of events before I get started with my commentary, Alyssa came home drunk one night and made an OkCupid profile. She’d heard some horror stories (these horror stories to be exact) but thought “Oh to hell with it–what’s the worst than can happen to me?!” What she didn’t realize was that she was unleashing a terror onto the world of online dating.

Wait, no, that’s not the way I should go with this. Basically, still by way of summary, she got a ton (like totally a lot guys) of messages in her inbox that were poorly spelled and all upfront about how sexually interested in her the men writing them were. Stuff like this:

“Dem gurl u so foine, iwud lik veru much for me nd u to be marry n procreate.” Or “your legs do look strong.”

Totally disregarding the fact that the presence of the word “do” in the second quotation implies that she was the first person to say she had strong legs (but who would put that on a dating profile, right?), she also got another message from a guy named Jon: “You should go out with me :)”. Total creeper vibe, right? Like, who just puts smileys in their messages like that, anyway? That’s not the tone I’m looking for either. Hum. ANYWAY

Turns out “Jon from OkCupid” is Jon Finkel, Magic: the Gathering world champion. I’m not kidding, the man has a Wikipedia article. Just to tally where we stand: so far, one person in this article has a Wikipedia entry, and it’s not Ms. Bereznak. Somebody’s already fairly notable with the kind of people who populate the internet. And in short order, Alyssa shut him down, cos he was passionately involved in something she was uninterested in. And if this story had ended there, I would say “fair play”. My girlfriend doesn’t like it when I talk about Minecraft for hours on end, so maybe having a hobby he spends a lot of time engaged in would be a bit of a red flag if you couldn’t get into it.

Except then she wrote an article about how badly he sucks, indirectly comparing him to (among other things) a sexual offender and a guy who tried to go Stuntman Mike on a girl he was supposed to drive home. No crap, either, she actually–did you guys actually–you’ve like, clicked through the links I’ve posted here, right? Third entry, the Jezebel one, “these horror stories”. No crap, apparently playing Magic: the Gathering makes you as bad or worse than a guy who (in order): masturbates openly while you’re trapped in his car, tries to kill you when he drives you home, is really deeply into Muppets, likely fetishizes his ten cats, or forgets going out with you when you were totally just seeing him for the casual sex. Read more…